Today I'd like to share a simple strategy to help us overcome comparision-itis and stuck-ness.
Sometimes we can make the easy assumption that someone else's life is less challenging that our own. Even while we are highly functioning we can just get tripped up on the one little 'problem area' that gets us every time. It might be work, romantic relationships, friendships, finances. But, as Regina Brett says:
“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.”
Too often it's easier to get caught up in what isn't going that well and forgetting what is going right. It has also been proven by neuroscientists that it is also easier for us to recall negative judgements, feedback, experiences and events than it is to remember the positive one.
So if our default setting is to process negative experiences more strongly, and focus on the negatives in our lives, how to we reset and gain a better perspective?
Sometimes we can make the easy assumption that someone else's life is less challenging that our own. Even while we are highly functioning we can just get tripped up on the one little 'problem area' that gets us every time. It might be work, romantic relationships, friendships, finances. But, as Regina Brett says:
“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.”
Too often it's easier to get caught up in what isn't going that well and forgetting what is going right. It has also been proven by neuroscientists that it is also easier for us to recall negative judgements, feedback, experiences and events than it is to remember the positive one.
So if our default setting is to process negative experiences more strongly, and focus on the negatives in our lives, how to we reset and gain a better perspective?
Gratitude, and thinking outside the box.
Of course, we only notice how good things are once they are gone so I've created a little exercise to help refocus the mind on what *is* going well, instead of what isn't. The irony is that if things aren't a problem then we tend not to focus on them. It's only once your house plumbing breaks that you value hot, running water, and its only when you are sick you acknowledge the extent of your good health.
A few things before we start:
a) This exercise can take a little bit of effort and a few minutes but the benefits can be immediate.
b) To clarify, we are not diminishing any current challenges you are facing, rather we are consciously focussing our attention onto the things are that are going well, so that we can enjoy a more balanced perspective.
As an example, your back is giving you grief again, and you are worried about how that is going to impact on your job long term. While this pain is concerning, it can also help to acknowledge that other parts of your body are healthy, functioning and generally being well behaved:) Obviously, in conjunction with cultivating gratitude you should also be putting in place some actionable steps to investigate and address the problem.
Or, you might be worried about your finances or your chance for promotion, but your friendships are solid, you and your family are all in good health, and you have the time and energy to enjoy your weekends in a way that you value the most. Again, I'm not arguing the need for getting professional advice if its warranted, or up-skilling in preparation for the promotion:)
Taking a daily opportunity to notice and reflect on what you are most grateful for can be a powerful way of changing your thinking about how life is at the moment.
The bonus of doing this exercise is that you can start pinpointing the very small but significant joys in your life that can be powerful guideposts towards creating your own happiness survival kit. This tailored survival kit is something we will put together as part of the 6 week guided Crisis to Connection course. To find out all the details just click here.
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